Intrepid Optimist

Intrepid Optimist is the place where I can share my stories; fact, fiction and thoughts from the past and present. It’s Written by myself for people who believe adventure knows no age

Too Soon the Little One Flew

Written for Rochelle’s Friday Fast Fiction. 100 word photo prompt. Photo by Douglas M Macilroy.

“I never thought the day would come. It is all your own fault Ethel. All this would not have been necessary if you had been sensible and given a little more thought to the procedure before letting the wrong bird out. Once again you let your feelings interfere with the project. I warned you, time and again not to mess with the feed until we had the correct formula. You knew the Mynah would infect the others. On top of that you were stupid enough to go outside when the contaminated birds were swarming. Don’t say I didn’t warn you Ethel.”

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About bbryanthomas

Not so young man about town who, having witnessed and enjoyed life, is presently having fun, writing about those by-gone times and life in general.

29 comments on “Too Soon the Little One Flew

  1. Iain Kelly
    October 11, 2017

    Not exactly sure what is happening, but for some reason it reminded me of the Hitchcock film ‘The Birds’…

    Liked by 1 person

    • bbryanthomas
      October 11, 2017

      You’re right Iain, I seem to have missed that foreboding feel.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. rochellewisoff
    October 11, 2017

    Dear Bryan,

    This sounds like something ominous is about to happen.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  3. James
    October 11, 2017

    I agree with Iain and Rochelle. Not sure what’s going on but it does sound ominous. Scientific experiment gone wrong?

    Like

    • bbryanthomas
      October 11, 2017

      Hi James, You’re both right,The experiment was over and Ethel was dead. I’m certainly weak in explaning this. Thanks for the crit.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. bbryanthomas
    October 11, 2017

    It happened but I failed to portray this

    Like

  5. Dale
    October 11, 2017

    Would be great if you included the photo prompt…
    And we can feel the ominous thing that will happen though we are left to imagine all sorts of scenarios (not necessarily a bad thing!)

    Like

    • bbryanthomas
      October 11, 2017

      Ooops, I thought I had

      Like

    • bbryanthomas
      October 11, 2017

      Checked and I did include

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dale
        October 11, 2017

        Weird. I can’t see it in this post! Oh well…

        Like

  6. granonine
    October 11, 2017

    I don’t see the photo, either. Aside from that–poor Ethel!

    Like

  7. pennygadd51
    October 11, 2017

    Dear Bryan
    I hope you don’t mind if I offer some constructive criticism. (What I say now are the things I tell myself every time I write a story…and when I fail, my “editor” wastes no time in reminding me!)
    Your readers only know what you tell them.
    What do you want to tell them?
    In what order will you tell them what they want to know?
    Of course, in flash fiction you don’t spell everything out, but you have to leave enough clues for the average reader to fill in the blanks.
    Some people in Friday Fictioneers are particularly expert at ‘telling the story’ (I don’t include myself in that number – I’m working on it!). They’re good examples to learn from!
    All the best
    Penny

    Liked by 1 person

    • bbryanthomas
      October 11, 2017

      Thanks so much Penny. I certainly left too much out this time but point taken. I’ll be checking out other’s fast fiction.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Rosemary Carlson
    October 11, 2017

    I understand and like it!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)
    October 11, 2017

    I think that it’s way too late anyway

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Life Lessons of a Dog Lover
    October 11, 2017

    Poor Ethel being berated like that. This is a great start to a dark story,

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Christine Goodnough
    October 11, 2017

    Even though I’m officially “out for lunch” now, I can’t resist popping in to see what others at FF are doing. 🙂

    Reading over your post and comments, I have a suggestion to make things a little clearer. First off, though, I see you did indeed install the prompt photo on your Home Page — just not in the post itself. Not sure what’s going on, why it would be one place and not the other??

    Your sentence, “…giving a little more thought to the procedure before letting the wrong one out” is unclear. If we see the picture, we figure out that it’s a bird she let out. Without the photo “the wrong one” could be any lab animal — a swarm of killer bees, for all we know. So you may have to your object more clearly: “…before letting the wrong bird/birds/flock out.” (But then you say he, so I guess it was just one.)

    What I read into letting her feelings get involved was that she felt sorry for the bird that looked a little sickly and let it loose. Then it contaminated outside birds — or did she let the whole woks out and the sick one contaminated them all, then they all flew outside?

    This makes a great scene but you can’t include all the detail and still do it in 100 words. Maybe leave out that line about her feelings. Let us assume she wasn’t careful & let the wrong bird loose.

    Your story reminds me of what a veterinarian wrote years back. He thought his young assistant was too slap-happy, so he told him again (to prepare s cat for neutering), “Now remember, ONE cc of anesthetic for every FIVE pounds of body weight.”

    When he came back, he did a double take. “The cat was so relaxed it was almost flowing off the table.” So the vet said, “What did you do to that cat?” His assistant assured him, “I did exactly what you told me to do. I administered five ccs of antibiotic for every one pound of body weight.”

    The vet concluded his story with, “As far as I know, that cat is sleeping still.”

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Bridgesburning Chris
    October 12, 2017

    Poor Ethel not only did she let the wrong one out she went out when the infected ones were swarming and so I am pretty sure she is going to come to an unpleasant end. Oh dear!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. hombrehompson
    October 12, 2017

    I quite like the ambiguity. Reads like the classic setup for a disaster scenario, so I thought this was well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. rgayer55
    October 12, 2017

    Now, we know where avian flu came from.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Miles Rost
    October 12, 2017

    This must be the same Ethel who thought it was a good idea to join a streaker on his escapades. Well done! (See Ray Stevens for more Info!)

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Varad
    October 13, 2017

    Ethel either was extremely clumsy or utterly clueless. Her end was just an eventuality.

    Like

    • bbryanthomas
      October 14, 2017

      Correct Varad

      Like

  17. michaelwynnauthor
    October 16, 2017

    Oh dear, Ethel. She did remind too me of the one from the streak which immediately puts a comic interpretation of the piece in my mind, like the Mynah’s going to teach all the other birds naughty tricks. A different name and I may have interpreted it with more of a sinister Hitchcockian slant. Nicely done

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Thom Carswell
    October 16, 2017

    It was clear to me! I enjoyed it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • bbryanthomas
      October 16, 2017

      Thanks Thom

      Like

  19. athling2001
    October 18, 2017

    Like many others, I didn’t know what was happening in your story, but the aphmosphere is well done.

    Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on October 11, 2017 by in Non-fiction, Stories and tagged , .
fabricating fiction

Louise Jensen - Writer - www.louisejensen.co.uk

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